I thought the “tribute” idea was pretty genius… but I’ve discovered that there doesn’t appear to be any connection between the meaning and the number 3… unless someone can prove me wrong?

It’s been a gloriously exciting, frustrating, encouraging, fun, and hopeful three years.  Here’s to my wife, Sue, for staying the course with me, and three things that I’ve learned (among many) in my three short years of marriage.

Before I begin, I have to apologize… because today is so very like the other 2 anniversaries that I’ve celebrated.  Boring.  … oh, wait, no… we went to South Padre Island last year (w00t!).

Nevermind.

This picture is from April 13th, 2003 in Centennial Park (!!! We’re coming BACK !!!).  We had just started to “hang out” together.  Blessed times of ignorance.  How could I have possibly imagined what was to come?

Three years.  It feels like a lifetime ago.  It’s been blazing by at a pace that is pretty close to unhealthy.  But, I think we’d have it no other way.

And as I sit here and meditate about the amazing journey that the Lord has so graciously given me with my beautiful bride I can do nothing more than weep.  I weep because it is simply too great of a miracle to behold…

I have so much reason to worship.  I can do no other.

I mean, how could two completely selfish, egotistical, flagrantly sinful and unashamedly destitute and depraved persons come together to live in supposed-harmony til death do us part?

Only God.  Only by His Grace.  Only by His Son, Jesus Christ.

It was the only way.  And it still is.

Rev. Yohan Kim.  We had the blessing of being his very last marriage ceremony.  He’s a “Haaaaaaaaaaaarvard” man now…

So, yes, three years… only by the Trinity (isn’t that cute) and Unity of One (The One Ring to Rule Them All… *cough* my humor is bad…) who designed before the beginning of time to bring a son of His and a daughter of His together.

So many lessons.  So many trials and tests.  So much discipline (God… Lord, can we lighten it up in 2009)?

But if I were to quickly blog the first three things that come to my head and heart (and I have to stop there… or this would be a novel) about what God through marriage in the last 3 years has taught me, here they would be:

Marriage is all about Holiness.

This was one of the most eye-opening truths and completely rocked my world when I first heard it (and I can’t seem to remember the sermon or book where I heard it… Anyone?).

Georgia Tech Mixer in 2003… this is one of my favorite pictures of Sue.

The thought goes that, among a number of other telling and great reasons for the institution, marriage was created by God so that His children might know more about Holiness, His Holy Character, and His desire for them to be Holy.

I believe this with all my heart, and experience has more than satisfactorily proven it to be true.

God, through my wife, has challenged me to see the utter extent of my depravity, the darkness of my heart, the gravity and consequence of my sin (and the pain caused by it), and the disgust and hatred toward all that love it… all in a calculated attempt to teach me what Holiness is all about.

And this dynamic, this didactic, was perfected in the context of Marriage.

Another picture from the 2003 Georgia Tech Mixer… … why does it look like my head is on fire…?  My shirt said “Addicted to Jesus”… I wonder where that shirt went?

And the Lord knows that nothing has worked more effectively to identify sin in my life… more exactingly, like a surgeons knife in my heart and soul in an effort to remove it, than Sue.

And that is the heartbeat of what Holiness is about: That which (and who) is without sin.  And He desires us to be conformed to His likeness, His Son, who lived the perfect life.

And since He desires it, He’ll do everything and anything to finish the Good Work that He began, as Philippians 1:6 (one of my favorites) states:

“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”

Marriage is one such vehicle to accomplish His stated goal and promise.

And I praise Him for it.

Why?  Because it works.  Without a doubt.  It freaking works.

…  I really like effectual spiritual pragmatics.

Family & Friends are Absolutely Essential to Marriage.

My brothers pray for me before I stand before an Almighty God and declare life-lasting commitment and devotion to another saved-sinner… Good God did I need that.  I was so nervous.

This took a long time to learn.  And it was only recently that I really began to see how important friends and family were to marriage.

I had this naïve notion that once you got married that friends and family began a distant 3rd in your life, or 4th, or 5th, or whatever (1st was God, 2nd was your spouse, 3rd was __________________ fill in the blank).

God, it pains me that I learned this so late, because I needed friends and family so badly during periods of roughness in my marriage.

I failed so badly, let her down so many times, and was so selfishly prideful to think that I could “fix it” by myself.  I needed my good friends and family to bounce ideas, get support, get a healthy can ‘o’ whoop @$$ (rebuke people…) and get encouragement to continue forward.

These were my boys: Brian, Enoch, Thomas, Peter, and Andrew… Todd B. couldn’t make it.

The first year alone was painfully dark, painfully difficult, and painfully lonely:  I lost two jobs, moved my pregnant wife from all her friends and family to the Lonestar State, promising ambiguous rewards for her obedience and faithfulness (which she was, to God at least).

It was the right choice to move. It was the right time and we did it by the Grace and Mercy of God. (Praise God for my parents…!  Mom rocking the Korean Hanbok!)  It wasn’t going to be a smooth transition… But we could have used, could have solicited, could have gotten more support from family and friends during that time.

I just didn’t want it.  

… Stupid.

And by the sheer force of will we managed.  (This is not healthy, by the way).

See, that’s not God’s desire at all.

The establishment of marriage as a community does not mean you leave the others once you get in.  You’ve got to keep them, and build them stronger than they were even before you got married.  You’ll need them, good God… you’ve got to have them!

… What was I thinking…?!?

And praise God, He’s opened my eyes.

My marriage has seen the most “fruit” as a result.

Living missionally with others, in an encouraging small group backed by a community of believers at the Austin Stone Community Church (gonna miss you guys), and making some of the best friends we’ve ever had in the last 2.5 years here in Austin.

My marriage is better as a result.

Keep ‘em.  Build ‘em.  Love ‘em.  Do it.  For the sake of your marriage.

Ephesians 5:25 is Freaking Hard.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.

Ephesians 5:25 is the hardest thing ever.  But it’s also been freeing as well.

You see, as a man, I relish singular, unadulterated focus.  I love single-mindedness.  I love it when someone tells me what to do or gives me an assignment because then I know what I need to do.  And when God makes it so easy as to explicitly state what I should be doing with my marriage and for my wife, I say “Praise Him!”

So, to that extent, it’s freeing to a degree, because little thought process is required.

But, the problem is that what He’s called me to, what He’s called all married men to, is the hardest thing to do on the planet.

So hard, In fact, it’s impossible.

Hah.  When I got married and stood before the altar, I had this verse down pat.  Straight memorized.  But I really only understood the 2nd part… verse 26:

“… so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word…”

Shoot.  I even went so far as to literally wash my wife’s feet in front of everyone to prove it (I’m being purposely self-condescending here… … I mean… I really liked that idea…!  AND, I meant really good by it too.)

But little did I know about the first part… What it mean to really love your wife as Christ loved the Church.

It means doing the big things, like dying to yourself, every single day.  It means putting your wife before yourself, in all things, at all times, being “subject to one another in the fear of Christ.”

It means getting rid of old habits, beating down “the old man” daily, and trusting faithfully in the Holy Spirit’s sanctifying power for all things.

It means believing in the good and perfectable-nature of your spouse, that the promises of God applies to her just as much as they do me.

It also means the small things… countless to name.  (But probably the more problematic…!)

And the thing is that I know I’ve only begun to unravel what Ephesians 5:25 is all about.  All the Seminary Education is the world isn’t going to teach me it.

And that’s partly frustrating, because learning to love is oftentimes painful.  Constant repetition and reminding of Hebrews 12 is the only way to get through those times…

But it’s not all bad, right?  Ah.  There’s a smile.

Staying the Course.

I love you Sue.  You’re everything that God had been preparing me for and we’re both nothing like we’ll be when He comes again.

Thank you for staying the course with me these past three years.

Thank you for loving me like as a godly wife.

Thank you for seeking out the Wisdom of God before your own, and especially before mine.

Thank you for Trusting Him more than you’ll ever trust me.

And thank you so much for Roenne.

For carrying her those 9 months, during some of the toughtest parts of our marriage, and for being a model mother for her.

It’s because of you that I believe Roenne will learn about God’s heart.

It’s because of you that I know she’ll come to the fullest understanding of the work done on the Cross by a Savior named Jesus Christ.

It’s because of you that I’m ok and can sleep at night knowing that she may never accept Him.

And it’s because of you, through God, that I’m able to stay the course, even now, as we embark on another great journey, and as another chapter unfolds.

I praise God for you, and those three wonderfully hopeful years that you’ve shared with me.

Let’s go for 30.  …  At least!

Oh, and thanks for letting me have the last 3 hours to myself as I wrote this ridiculously long entry.