Filling Holes.
[The reason I'm posting this is because I hope this can attempt to explain why I might be a little "unavailable" for a bit of time, why I'm not in Southern California right now laughing it up with @loswhit at Catalyst West, why I'm not answering many phone calls, and why I'm not on Twitter with my usual chatter... although a number of queued up posts will be auto-firing some tweets now and then... Apologies in advance... I'll get to all of them as I can.]
Yesterday began pretty much “business as usual” with an early start, a robust darkly-brewed coffee, and a nice morning “find” (found the last chocolate doughnut in the pantry…!) that kicked it off pretty well.
After getting to the office I knocked out a few emails and I was feeling great. It all went a little downhill from there.
My wife had a scheduled doctor’s appointment with our OB/GYN in the morning and it was essentially a routine checkup about her pregnancy. For those that didn’t know my wife was pregnant with our 2nd child that we had been anticipating for a while.
I say was because that is no longer the case.
Before noon (I can’t really remember the timing of it all) I received a phone call from my wife who, with a quivering voice, relayed to me perhaps the worst news that I have ever personally received:
There’s no heartbeat John.
I’m not sure if I can describe the particular emotion that I felt but it was unlike anything I have experienced.
After hanging up the phone because she had to discuss with our doctor about “next steps” I sat there in silence.
I knew it was coming.
A brief moment of clarity gave me enough wisdom to attempt to find a room in which I could “just let go” and not disturb those around me.
I got up and ran to the other side of the building. I’m not sure what I was looking for but I didn’t find it immediately. I kept going.
I happened to stumble into Tim’s office, mumble something to the effect of “You got a sec…?” I paused, dropped an F-Bomb as I fumbled to find a chair, and proceeded to weep so hard that I began to bleed all over the office, chair, floor, and Tim.
I hope that blood-stain comes off those jeans bro… those looked expensive.
I’m not exactly sure what occured next and in what order but I remember some of my senior executive staff come and pray for me. Dan, Bob, Bill, Rick… you guys are the best.
The rest is just a blur.
It’s only been 24 hours but it seems like eternity.
I feel like there is this great big hole is in my heart and I’m not sure how to fill it, but it definitely feels empty and I want it to be filled so badly because it hurts so much.
Pray for my family, my wife, my daughter, and the surgery this Friday. I’ll see you guys on the flip-side.
Prayers are with you.
Though words will never express nor convey anything of great worth in a situation like this, know that your blogging/online family is here for you bro, and we'll be prayin'. God bless
Chris
Praying for you and the family bro.
John, words of comfort can seem so trite, but my prayer is that you and your lovely family find great comfort in Jesus who knows your pain and loss and is himself the Great Physician who will heal the pain and fill the hole of loss. You are in my prayers, your wife particularly, especially Friday.
Words are always insufficient for situations like these. I will be praying for you you all.
I've been in your shoes. We lost our second child mid-term. I'm praying for you and your wife right now, praying that the God of comfort will comfort you during this time.
John…My family is praying for you. We went through a similar situation a few years ago. It was devastating, confusing, and painful. I'm here if you need me.
I'm heartbroken for you and your family John. Please know we love you and we're praying for you!
Definitely praying for you.
We've been in the same boat. Lost our second child mid-term. We're praying for you and your wife.
thinking of you man
praying for you and your family
No words to say other than, prayers are sent!
No words, John, other than, I'm praying.
I'm dearly sorry. I can't say much, but know that prayers are with you.
Praying for comfort and strength for you and your family.
Dude, I'm praying for you right now, and will continue to do so. Grace, strength and peace to you and your family my brother, in Jesus's name.
John, I am so sorry to hear about this. I had a co-worker experience a similar situation a couple months ago and it wrecked them and all of us. I am praying for you and your wife while you grief this loss. I can't imagine anything more difficult. Thank you for your transparency in sharing. Take your time and know that we will be here when you are ready to enter back into the internet world.
Crying/praying with everyone for you and your fam.
praying for you all…
I don't have words John. My heart breaks for you guys, and I'll be praying. Not sure what else to say or do.
I don't know you personally, found you through Carlos. My wife and I were right there a few years ago with our first child. We will be praying for you and your family!
I feel you. 3 weeks ago we lost ours after only 9 weeks. It slowly goes by but we where surrounded by Love in those that God put around us. I will pray for y’all and for your loss. God Bless your family.
Having been there myself, I will pray in earnest for comfort for you and your wife.
Father God in this time, your will and plan are sometimes forgien to us. Keep John and his wife close to you as they process through this trying time. It is you who will bring comfort in the pain, and you who will be joy to the sorrow. Father God, love on them like no other can. In the name of your precious Son. Jesus the Christ. AMEN
im so sorry to hear about that. i am praying for you & your family. i pray that God's supernatural comfort & peace would flood you during this time.
oh my word *sucks in breath*. I don't want to write I'm sorry because it doesn't even feel sufficient enough although it's a huge heart-felt emotion that I have for you & your wife right now. I pray that God sends you peace, comfort & strength.
so so sorry to hear this. I can't imagine. will be praying for all of you.
I am so sorry. Having been through this myself, I would not wish it for anyone. Praying for you & your family!
Don't know you but follow loswhit and petewilson and saw this…major prayers for you can't even comprehend……
praying…
Praying
Words escape me. Praying for you and your family John.
Praying. As I am reading this "Everlasting God" by New Life Worship is playing on my computer.
I pray that this hole will be filled with His Holy Spirit. I know it will because He never changes.
praying for you and your family …
Been here personally. Praying and lifting ALL of you…
Wow John my heart breaks for you and your wife.
Sending love and prayers
I am sorry. My prayers and with you all.
I am so sorry to hear that. I got chills (and teary eyed) just reading it. I can't imagine the heartache you all must feel.
So Sorry.
Father God, be with John and his family in their time of loss. Comfort them and give them peace. Fill their emptyness with Your Holy presence and grace. Protect their spirits and minds and guard them.
You don't know me, I don't know you, but please know that I read your story and am praying for you and your family
I'm not going to pretend to sympathize because I have no idea how hard this is. I'm praying.
Praying for you John and your family and those physically around you that can offer a shoulder.
Not a religious man by any means, so prayer is not in my nature, but as an expecting father who fears such news, I can understand your pain. I hope whatever whatever positive energy I exude finds it's way to your family's good fortune.
definitely praying for you and your wife.
Praying for you and your family – asking Jesus to hold you close
John,
My heart and prayers go out to ya! We've been through the same — twice — and it is definitely heart- and gut-wrenching… i'm tearing up right now trying to compose myself as I empathize w/ you and your family.
Grace and Peace, bro.
John, stopping to pray for you and your family right now. Only wishing I could be there to give you a hug and let you bleed all over me as much as you needed to.
praying for you. those words dont seem like enough.
praying for you and your family
John, I'm so so sorry. Praying hard for you and your family
Dude…no worries, the blood came out. Glad you found me. You can bleed on me anytime. Praying for you.