Our hopes were high. We really needed this, a break from “life” and a time (for me) to “unplug” and just hang out on some sand and do pretty much nothing.

But thanks to Ocean Plaza Resort Hotel, we we’re able to experience what we would consider the worst hotel on the face of the earth.

Thanks Ocean Plaza for making our stay one of the most memorable in terms of absolute FAIL.

Your staff were inconsiderate and uncaring. Perhaps it was the latter characteristic that was the most defining: You just didn’t care about your guests.

The rooms were simply broken, old, and dingy. The phone lines were down because you’ve decided not to replace, what I would consider, a half-step back toward a rotary phone because they still “worked.” Trying to call the front desk at 4 in the morning was tough because the line kept falling out of the back.

Oh, and yeah…

Why were we trying to call you at 4 in the morning? Because some of your guests were having a rock concert right above our heads. But you didn’t “hear” it. Apparently your “security” that, you told us, “handles” those things, was sleeping in another building. Not your fault, of course…

We really liked how it took you forever to actually do something about those people too. That was awesome.

In fact, perhaps it wasn’t your fault. Most 1 Star hotels have good enough walls where you can’t hear that much coming from other rooms because they don’t use cheap material in their building construction. We could hear stuff about 15 rooms away in all directions, some more “unpleasant” than others.

If you plan on sleeping through a night, you’d have better luck in your car instead of in the actual rooms.

And if you want an “all star” breakfast there are 1,000 far better options than their self-proclaimed “breathtaking” Dolphin Reef Oceanfront Restaurant, which served the coldest “hot” food ever and that left “paper” stuck to my bacon, not once, not twice, but three times.

Some people, who you might call “sensitive” and “squeemish” typically like their food without oily and fried pan paper stuck to their food.

You apparently think your waitstaff is the bomb since you only thought that during the most traffic’d portion of the breakfast hour you should only have 1 staff person waiting tables for 50 people. It wasn’t even 9 yet and it looked like she has run a marathon.

Awesome.

Your food choice was terrible (and extremely limited), taste was like eating cardboard (even the coffee… how does that happen?) and I really liked the “ocean view’ where I was blinded by reflections of the sun through obviously-not-clean windows.

The thin-film of dust really accentuates the obviously-not-good-enough natural light that the sun, perhaps, provides.

Don’t bother cleaning it though. It made a lasting impression that I will ever hold in my heart. And charging $10 bucks a pop for all of this was really the icing on the cake…

To finish the experience out we actually brought some of these things to your attention as we checked out and paid our bill. We didn’t expect compensation or good customer service, but we expected to be respected and treated like a customer.

Instead, the first thing both of your reps did was make sure that it was crystal-clear that they were not on staff during the hours that we experienced living-hell and that we couldn’t blame them for any of the mishaps.

Excellent. Great way to represent your business and “own up” to the issues, I thought. They obviously liked working there enough to completely distance themselves from it.

“That sucks…” and “I wasn’t on staff last night…” and “Too bad…” are not the best reponses to guests that had the worst night of their brief 3-decade existence. Try again.

All in all, if you’ve made it this far, and you’ve considered going to Tybee Island, I’d say you’d have a better experience staying  underneath one of the waterways and bridges that you drive over when entering the Island: You’d have less noise, the food that you would find would probably be more fresh, and you’d get a far-better and unadulterated view of the ocean front.

And, you wouldn’t have to deal with inhuman and “void of emotion” staff that was more happy picking their nose and watching Opra on the office TV.

Thanks Ocean Plaza Resort Hotel on Tybee Island…! You guys are one-in-a-million!

Oh, and thanks for helping me create one of the longest blog posts that I’ve ever written.

***UPDATE***

Apparently we should have checked here for more info on you guys before we jumped in… We’re not the only ones that thought you guys were terrible.