There is, without question, an instinct within all men to “provide”.  I rejoice in this carnal motivation and makeup; it gives me purpose, drive, direction, and an identity.

And see, if it stopped at that, it wouldn’t be enough.  More than that, it would be pretty much meaningless for my marriage.

I know this because after more than 3 years of marriage I unrightly believed that this instinct was justified and was everything that my wife wanted me to be.

But how wrong I have been.

She didn’t marry me because I’m a vehicle of amazing provision… she married me for me.

Apparently I didn’t get the memo.

Because the last 3 years she’s had bits and pieces of me, scattered between devotion to the ministries in which I served, the extra-curricular activities, my job, and other such trivialities.

I use that word purposefully (but not lightly) because in light of my call to be a husband there just aren’t as big. The book describes that this provider instinct “can leave her feeling more unsafe and less cared for”.

This is true.  Quote:

Women, you see, have an incredibly hard time believing that we think that they think financial security would ever be so important.  As one woman asked in a focus group, “How could any man ever think we’d choose money over him?” Another said: “So in essence you guys are thinking that we are materialistic – really, really materialistic – and that we’d choose things over your happiness?!

Darn. Some excellent thoughts… good lessons learned.  Some other gold nuggets:

1. She feels secure when you two feel close. For us guys, money in the bank helps us feel safe and successful.  But for women, the currency that counts is more likely to be a storng sense of closeness or intimacy with their man.

Bingo.

Check this out:

“Living in the same house and even having sex doesn’t necessarily mean that she feels close to you.  Most married guys I know just assume a level of closeness.  We share a house and a bed… how could we not be close?”

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

2.  She feels secure when you make time together a priority. Hear this:  “A wife does not expect her husband to spend every off-the-job hour with her.  But to feel emotionally secure, she can’t feel that he’s consistently choosing other time priorities over her.

Bam. Smack. … Laid out.

3.  She feels secure when you demonstrate your commitment.

… Yes.

4. She feels secure when you are active in parenting and the life of the home.

This is a big one.  The Year of the Wife is also The Year of the Roenne.  Word.

So that’s enough for you guys to swallow today… excellent stuff… onto Chapter 5.